Introduction

Here's the question described as the most important question in English Football: Why does England, with all its might, have only one international title won in suspicious circumstances?

My answer: Why not?

By revisiting many World Cup tournaments and reading Simon Cuper's Soccernomics book, I have found that, unlike all other teams, England has a specific pattern that has been repeating ever since the World Cup in 1966. I call that England's eight stages of grief. And they go like this.

1- Certainty In Winning It!

Without fail and even in their worst years, England has entered every international tournament with a sense of entitlement that the trophy belongs to them. Not just the supporters, that's normal, but ex-players, analysts, everyone has made the claim.

Alf Ramsey, England's only coach to win the World Cup, predicted England will win it in 1966. England did win it, however, it is not that impressive. He predicted the same in 1970 and they were knocked, also in 1974, and England didn't even qualify.

The list is long of managers who just "Know" England will win. Glenn Hoddle, even Ron Greenwood who was the manager when England didn't even qualify to the World Cup.

It can all be summed up by Johnny Haynes' remark after elimination in 1958: “Everyone in England thinks we have a God-given right to win the World Cup.”

2- Facing A Former Wartime Enemy

Between 1966 and the 2018 World Cup, England qualified for 10 World Cups. England faced a former wartime enemy like Argentina and Germany in knockout stages. Six out of those 10 times where England got knocked out came at the hands of wartime enemies.

3- Blame It On The Luck

In 1950, England were knocked out by the U.S, who were also a former wartime enemy by the way. Billy Wright, who was the captain at the time said that Joe Gaetjens, the U.S player who scored the only goal in the game, scored his goal by accident when slipped. Joe Gaetjens, by the way, was originally an accountant and didn't even have a U.S passport.

After that, a culture of "we're unlucky" swept the footballing world in England. In 1970, English legendary keeper Gordon Banks was found in the toilet passed out due to stomach upset. His replacement, Peter Bonetti was responsible for West Germany's 3 goals that turned the game from a 2-0 win for England to a 2-3 loss.

In 1974, England failed to qualify and blamed it on their luck as Poland's "Weak goalkeeper" wasn't good enough to stop all the shots he did. In 1990 and 1998, England wasn't lucky in the penalties shootouts. Of course, in 2002, Ronaldinho was lucky to score the goal he scored against England.

4- Everyone Else Cheats!

Here are some claims I have read justifying England's getting knocked out.

In the 1950 and 1970 World Cups, the crowds were wasting time by keeping the ball for longer so they'd waste time.

I mentioned Gordon Banks before, there's a theory that he was poisoned by the C.I.A, according to the Daily Telegraph’s football correspondent, Bob Oxby.

Maradona's hand is an obvious cheat. Diego Simeone's exaggeration when Beckham hit him in 1998, same with Cristiano Ronaldo when Rooney got his red card in the 2006 World Cup. Of course, Neuer grabbed the ball after Lampard's shot in 2010, which is a mixture of both 4 and 3 if you really think about it.

5- England Wasn't A Favorite To Begin With

There's a wide belief that England's national team was getting worse through the years. The fact is, England winning the World Cup in 1966 was the exception, not the rule. Between 1950 and 1970, England played 18 matches, winning only 5 if we don't count the 1966 World Cup where England played at home and there are some speculations about that version.

So, no. Go through every team ahead of every national tournament and you'd find that England was never the favorite ahead of any of them. Winning the World Cup was the exception in a bad period. England didn't even qualify for the two World Cups after 1970.

6- Life Goes On

English people start their jokes as life goes on.

7- Scapegoat

There's no country in the world that could beat England cleanly. It has to be someone's fault. We already saw the very ugly side of that in the last Euro with Saka getting racially abused along with a few others.

Peter Bonetti, Gordon Banks' replacement in England 3-2 loss to West Germany, got bullied so hard that he isolated himself on an island where he worked as a mailman. Beckham said that he has a list of people he will exact revenge on after he was abused in 1998. Cristiano Ronaldo had to change his residence in 2006 and Sir Alex barely convinced him to stay.

Fabio Capello and Hudson were the scapegoats as well. It's never that England's opponents are better, it has to be an individual's fault.

That's It

After those stages, England breathes before going into a new international tournament with the same stages all over again.

Additional Notes

I will elaborate on how this trend is slowly disappearing later.

Also, I mentioned how England's 1966 World Cup win had suspicious circumstances surrounding it. I am not planning to write about that, but if you're interested, feel free to read my sources for that statement below.

The Guardian: Why not everyone remembers the 1966 World Cup as fondly as England

The Sunday Times: Revealed: how England got referee help in 1966 World Cup