Roy Keane Brings Earth Elemental in for a Half Time Team Talk.
Sit down everyone including you Lyanna Natura. Rexie close the door. I want everyones attention now. We are getting hammered out there by Death Splinter. Zinter Mortalis is laughing at you. Laughing at you. Call yourselves a beta cards. You are a disgrace. You were useless out there. Absolute useless. What has happened to you over the last two years eh?? Because you are seriously gone down hill. We know what death are all about with their spells. We all know their tactics. It's not brain surgery like. Haunted spirit leads the way. Heals himself and lets the wing backs do the dirty work but Haunted Spirit has a weak attack. He cannot shoot. Crowd around him and a few fast hits and he is anyones. This is bread and butter stuff lads. Twisted Jester and Haunted Spirit are always on that team and we still can't defend against them. Flesh Golem , you are coming off and I'm gonna replace you with Unicorn Mustang, the new young striker. His stats are off the charts lately and he can defend against magic unlike you. Terrible to rely on a little wood nymph for some energy. If you don't buck up your ideas Flesh , you will end up like your cousin Stone Golum, on the bench and rarely used. Do you want that Flesh? Because thats the way it is going. These new untamed monsters are biting at your heals for a place at the table and if things don't change Unicorn is going to be my first pick. You have credit in the bank Flesh but I can only be so loyal before I'm gonna have to think of the team. THATS YOUR JOB.
Who is my second in command here?
Stone splitter orc? Where are you? Look Stone splitter you have been a loyal servant and your counter attack is the reason why you are on the team. I am going to switch you to the back to surprise some of Death splinters sneak attacks in the second half. They are mostly bad at shooting but if you get hit, make sure you retaliate. None of this thinking about retaliating. I spend my time wishing you would. Just fucking do it. You don't need my permission. Just hit him back!!!
Earth Elemental you are coming off. Great defending out there but I need more in attack. You are a loyal defender but I need some power to bring these guys down and you are getting old. This other team are dead like! D.E.A.D. If we can't beat these guys we are in trouble.
Rexie , I know you are the face of the game and you have a kick like an elephant but I just can't risk you getting injured because i want to sell your ass in the summer. The new money love a dinosaur as they grew up watching Jurassic Park so I'm gonna have to sell you I'm afraid. You are big money these days. I need the Dec's for these new chaos monsters.
Spirit of the Forest. Great game so far. You really are a diamond in the light and worth every penny. I'm just worried you will hit a certain level and then that's it. Keep an eye on that. I don't want any other monsters coming in and passing you out. But your wages every game. Come on. You are bringing this club to its knees. I have to play a monkey called Brownie because of you.
Where are the two goblins? Sorcerer and Thief. You too are as slow as a wet week. What's the point on having a sneak attack if you get caught first. I don't know what you are smiling at Goblin chief. You are shit as well. If speed doesn't improve you three are out.
Wood Nymph now that Unicorn is heading on , I don't need you giving flesh Golem a lifeline anymore. You are out. Mushroom Ser and Swamp thing, start getting changed there. I need to give this Death Splinter a taste of their own medicine. Who do I have as my second striker Lyanna? Orc Sergent or Twisted Minotaur. For fuck sake. Slim pickings here. No offence guys but seriously. I need to go into the transfer market quick and buy a neutal. What? Horny Toad is worse. Lord above. OK OK forget about the second striker so. Bring me that weirdo mage of the forest with his purple haze. Make sure the anti doping agency don't test that guy. We would be all in trouble.
OK team let's shake it up a bit. That spineback wolf is a quick player so Brownie make sure you get your hit in first to take away the shield. Unicorn will take care of the rest. And will somebody please please kick that undead priest for me. He just has that TutemKanaun head that is ripe for beating. Noone likes him. He is pulling the strings in midfield so if you take him out then we have a chance. Twisted jester needs to go as welL He is weak.
Now go out there and play like the way you played over at Steem Monsters. We are in a bigger league now but it's the same faces lads. We are being overtaken by other elements. This needs to stop. Now show me something that makes EARTH THE BEST SPLINTER IN THIS TOURNAMENT!!!! WE ARE THE STRONGEST BY A COUNTRY MILE!!! PLAY FOR YOUR PLACE!!!! HURRY UP SWAMP THING. THE MATCH HAS STARTED.