Roy Keane's Half Time Team Talk With Life Splinter

Right everyone gather around, let's have a chat. Put down your shields. You can't be hiding behind them all your life. Tyrus Paladium, will you ask them to put down their bloody shields please. Oh, it's you that gives them the shields. It's all starting to make sense now. No bloody wonder and old native Indian woman and the cat has been carrying you through these battles. We are being pummeled here by the water splinter. The one thing I don't like about this group here is that you all hide behind your little shields and keep healing your front man, which leaves the bow and arrow men to take out the rivals but what I want to know is why don't we have any attackers??? Sea Genie and Medusa are having a bloody field day here.
It's like the Italian League. The first priority it seems is to make sure you are all OK and happy, smiling, rainbows and butterflies then peacebringer seems to pick off the rest. Clay Golem is our best attacker but he is made of clay so he's as slow as a wet week. I don't know how he got into this splinter in the first place. The two other beta attackers are the Silvershield brothers and they couldn't beat eggs. Again there are more focused on covering for Peacebringer while the old woman keeps them alive. Silvershield brothers, you have had 4 years now to prove your worth. You are neither attackers or defenders you can't be both. You either go all out attack, you can't be a little bit of attack with you 1 point attacks. Hand's up here who is half pregnant?? Anyone???...... You can't be half pregnant!! Do you understand Silvershields?? You are either an attacker or you are not. How do you two feel about an old woman basically keeping you alive every game. Look at her, shes fast asleep over there. When I look at the other splinters , they have Stone Golem or the Unicorn, Haunted Spirit, that water guy with all the tentacles, the two headed dogs on fire. Good strong target monsters, proper attackers who seem to be able to look after themselves as well. All able to pack a punch. But you lot with your shields, you are a disgrace. If you don't want to compete in this competition then you know where the door is. Actually Fuck it , we need the dead wood and clay gone. You are now on the transfer list.

I have brought in a striker so we can compete in the second half. He's a young player and he cost me a bomb but a bomb needs to be put under you guys. What's your name son?
Marisol Contuma.
Is it Portugal you are from Marisol?
No I am from the realm that is the equivalent to a Yee Old English Knights of the Round Tables World.
Ok Marisol you are starting the second half.
Silvershield you are coming off. Cat you are coming off as well. I want Sacred Unicorn as the number 10 in behind Marisol.

Old woman. Can you hear me? C.A.N............. Y.O.U......... H.E.A.R .......ME??
She can't hear me. For F£$k sake. Leave her on, leave her on, just someone give her a hand out the bloody door. She seems to know what she is doing when she's out there as long as she doesn't heal someone against us. If I threw a few DEC on the ground she wouldn't be long about picking them up.
Why are all your shields after going up again??
Truthspeaker is that you with your castle? Stop doing your job. Shields down everybody. Ciara Lightbringer. Stop smiling please. This is not a hobby. You are fighting to the death, not going on a playdate.

Now I know you guys have a cult following and you are marmite, people like you or they hate you Personally I don't like the Old English Knight thing or the rainbows, unicorns or flashing lights. This Splinter gives me a headache. On saying that I am your manager now and I think this group has the talent to win even without them bloody shields. You are a motley crew but you manage to go 12 rounds so there is a bit of grit in you guys so I have something to work with. Now go out there Peacebringer and take out Medusa. She's weak. Once she's gone, old woman will look after the rest.

Let's Go!!