June 22, 22: Routine, Still More PAIN, Teaching, Oculus, TV, and Games

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[You know what? I’ve been up, stressing about work (or, rather, the lack thereof) since about two thirty this morning. I’ve lost even more sleep, I’m exhausted and in pain and I really don’t want to do this post, or really much of anything for that matter. I feel physically and emotionally drained and the only solution seems to be to make myself feel worse by sleeping away the day. Got errands to run and stuff to do, so that’s going to have to wait anyway.]

Between the pain and the snoring I was up at three again this morning. I did fall asleep pretty early, so only ended up about an hour and a half short, but being that that has been the trend (or even shorter), it’s truly adding up. 😢 Don’t feel my normal self and don’t seem to have the energy to control my mood…keep spiraling into negativity despite trying to call myself back.

I’m kind of wondering if it’s time to make a change again…maybe go back to trading crypto for a living or do my best to turn the website into something that actually generates (rather than sucks) income. I know that when, in the past, I’ve ignored these kinds of feelings either out of comfort and/or fear and in those cases it tends to come to a critical point where I’m forced to make the change and the whole thing is way more painful than it needed to be if I’d just made the change when the “universe” told me to.

I guess I’m taking for granted that you know what I’m talking about, perhaps a little context might help. For the last several years I have been teaching mathematics as a part-time instructor. Now, being part-time does mean that there is no guarantee of being staffed from semester to semester, but up until this point it’s been quite good. The previous department chair was generally very early with getting the schedule done and I always had classes, maybe not my first choice, necessarily, but that was alright. Like I said, I knew there was no guarantee, but I felt pretty secure.

Then comes in a new department chair and the pandemic and all the politics along with that…through which I’ve been extremely flexible and willing to be available either online or in person, but the staffing started to become much less certain. Last semester’s scheduling was pretty stressful, but it worked out well. This time, despite giving three different offers (and been left in the dark with no response for the last four days - until today), I get an email saying check the schedule and I have no classes at all. 🤬

There’s another round of available classes coming out today, but we’ll see…these will be the leftovers of the leftovers and I’m not sure I’m willing to be the whore I once was and take whatever shit schedule/classes I can get because I need an income or not. Plus, I’m struggling with myself. Nobody is responsible for the way I feel except myself, so there’s no one else to blame, but I feel acutely aware that I need them more than they need me, which is not a situation I’m all that comfortable remaining in.

I don’t want to cut off my nose to spite my face, though, or to make any rash decisions from the place of pain and frustration I’m coming from right now…It does make me want to just say to hell with it, admit that I am dependent and that’s unacceptable, and so something about it. I felt a lot better when teaching was something I wanted to do but didn’t have to…I mean, I can go back to trading, but that’s pretty high pressure and no guarantee either…on the other hand, maybe it would be a good thing if I had to get the website functional and I was able to focus on it. I don’t know; I certainly have felt safer with a steady income and no pressure other than what I put on myself to get it done, but blessings can come in disguise.

Anyway, even though I was still in quite a lot of pain, I really couldn’t miss class today, so the driving and all the walking and that, well, there wasn’t a choice (this may be one of the things that’s precipitating some of these feelings). I did my usual morning stuff and worked on my post, but even though I was up since the wee hours, I somehow got late on getting ready for work.

Did my post for the day, made my lunch, got a shower, took several minutes to get my friggin’ socks on, and then headed in. I had meant to get some gas, but I gambled that I had enough and it paid off. There wasn’t a whole lot of time to spare, but I did make it and got setup before class time.

There was no way I could do my usual writing on the chalkboard, so I sat and used the overhead projector instead. It was a relatively easy day, though, no new material just review for the second exam. We got through it quite quickly and the student did have some really good questions after we got done, but I still ended up letting them out early.

That meant I had a ton of extra time to kill just sitting in my car, but luckily the WiFi signal wasn’t too bad and I watched some YouTube. Ate my lunch and was seriously tempted to try and get a nap (my eyes were rolling, for real), but made it through and then headed in to review with the second class.

We got done early again and after I stayed and helped some individual students with questions, with a smooth drive home, I was back early. I was anti-excited to play Oculus. A couple days ago I started getting really bad drift on the left controller, to the point that it’s more or less unplayable…it’s always jumping around and then randomly moving me to the right.

Still, the problem wasn’t going to fix itself, and so I tried again. I tried resetting the headset, but that didn’t do anything, and then I tried taking out the battery on the controller and then repairing it with the headset, which didn’t help much either.

I went in to the calibration feature and increased the dead zone in the center, which did help slightly, but there’s still a major random drift to the right. I tried blowing it and then used some electrical lubricant and twisted it around to try and get any dust or anything causing it to stick out. That improved it even further than increasing the dead zone, but it’s still bad enough to make playing difficult and less enjoyable. It’s really awful when something that has brought you so much enjoyment becomes a source of frustration.

It wouldn’t be such a problem; at this stage I’d usually just bite the bullet and (swearing) get a new one…but they’re out of stock and have been for a while! 😱 Seriously, the only ones available are on like Amazon and EBay and they’re $200, assholes! Might as well just buy a whole new system at that point. 🤬🤬

But, hopefully, that’s it. These things come in threes, right? So my back, my job, and my Oculus. This too shall pass, I suppose.

Wenche made us an omelette for dinner when she got home and we watched the rest of God’s Favorite Idiot. That was a great show, but damn it went fast! Already plowed through the whole thing. 😭

We switched over to It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, but it wasn’t all that long before I passed out.


We got Riots today in dShitty, but since we are at max shittiness saturation, it is ineffectual. Even so, don’t put it past them to go even further negative on the stated income; in for a penny, in for a pound, no?

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Had a one mission day again on Rising Star today. My Ego started growing again, so switched over to lessons. Rinse and repeat.

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We’re getting somewhat closer, but HashKings is still a matter of watching grass grow.

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Although I did go in and stake my (even smaller) SPS drop for today, otherwise Splinterlands wasn’t even close to being on my radar.

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I am, honestly, considering the validity of continuing this section of my post as it has been mostly unused recently. I just don’t seem to have the mental energy to face the challenges of Wordle.

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