Offside of the Law - The ultimate football prison XI

Last night I spent a cold and wet English winter evening in watching the classic football movie 'Escape to Victory'. I won't go too far into describing the film itself which is adequately explained by the trailer here suffice to say that it involves prisons of war, many of whom are played by famous footballers, playing a football match as a pre-text to a prison break.

source of background

That got me thinking, I'm aware that quite a few footballers have had brushes with the law for one reason or another so what would be the ultimate real life prison XI?

My team are picked in part for their footballing prowess but at the same time others are in for the bizarre and unique nature of their crimes which have landed them anywhere from suspended sentences to 7 year stretches behind bars.

René Higuita - Goalkeeper

Rap sheet: 68 caps for Colombia, imprisoned for kidnapping

Higuita had a reputation for risk taking both on and off the pitch that lead to him gaining the nickname 'El Loco' (The Madman) and is best known for his outrageous scorpion kick during an international friendly against England back in 1995.

However, the fact that Higuita was on the pitch at all for that match is something of a surprise given that the year before he'd been arrested and imprisoned for his part in a kidnapping that place in his native Colombia that involved none other than the legendary cartel boss Pablo Escobar.

Higuita was in fact the go between for Escobar and Carlos Melina (another member of the Medellin cartel) and helped to secure the release of the later's daughter who was being held ransom by Escobar. While in some circles Higuita was portrayed as a hero for helping to engineer the release of a young girl, he was paid over $60k for his role in delivering the ransom and in doing so fell foul of Colombian law. He ultimately spent 7 months in jail and in doing so missed the 1994 World Cup.

Lucas Hernandez: Left-back

Rap Sheet: World Cup winner, suspended sentence for breaching restraining order

Some people might argue that getting married is very much like a prison term but French international Lucas Hernandez took that a step further earlier this year when he was arrested for travelling to Spain with his new bride!

To fully understand the circumstances of his arrest, we have to rewind to 2017 when Hernandez was plying his trade for Atletico Madrid. He and his girlfriend at the time, Amelia, were involved in an explosive argument at a restaurant that ended with the Spanish courts imposing a restraining order on the pair. You'd have thought that this plus the argument would end the relationship but apparently love conquers all!

Hernandez already has the prison tats... source

Later in the same year, the pair were held in breach of the court's order resulting in him receiving a 6 month suspended sentence.

In 2019, Hernandez moved to Bayern Munich and in 2021 he married Amelia but for some inexplicable reason the couple decided to honeymoon in Madrid and once again fell foul of their restraining order leading to him being arrested. Luckily for him Hernandez was able to pay for the best legal council money can buy and he successfully challenged the initial 6 month jail sentence and instead was handed a 4 year suspended sentence and fine. I'd suggest picking a new holiday destination in the future Lucas...

Elliot Omozusi: Centre-back

Rap Sheet: Former Premier League defender, charged with attempted murder of a witness

The next player's story sounds more like an episode of The Wire than the career of a professional footballer. Elliot Omozusi was an England youth international who debuted for Fulham in the Premier League in 2007. However, 3 years later at the age of just 22 he was behind bars for the attempted killing of a witness to a gangland murder.

As well as being a professional footballer, Omozusi was a member of the London Fields Boys gang. In 2010, 2 gang members were convicted of the murder of a teenager in London off the back of the testimony of an 18-year-old who police ultimately put into witness protection.

Unfortunately for the witness, a chance encounter with Omozusi and several other gang members in Liverpool lead to an attack which might have ended very badly had the witness not have managed to run to nearby uniformed police. Omozusi served 2 and a half years in prison for his part in the attack.

Ruben Semedo: Centre-back

Rap Sheet: Portuguese International, charged with possession of an illegal firearm, attempted murder, robbery and rape

Back in 2017, Ruben Semedo was very close to moving to the Premier League with both Newcastle and Southampton rumoured to hold an interest in acquiring the Portugal defender's services. However, he ultimately made the move to Spain with Villareal and no doubt those English clubs and the local law enforcement are pretty relived that he choose not to come to these shores!

Within 6 months of his arrival in Spain he was arrested for brandishing a gun during an argument in a bar but this was just the tip of the iceberg. A month after that he was arrested and imprisoned for attempted murder after tying up and torturing a man, then going to the victim's house to burgle it!

Semedo spent 5 months in a Spanish prison for the incident before sealing a move to Olmpiakos in Greece. Since arriving in Athens, the defender has been arrested and charged for his part in the gang rape of a 17-year-old girl.

I think it goes without saying that someone needs to lock this guy up and throw away the key ...

Semedo doesn't sound like the kind of guy you'd like to meet in a dark alley source

Peter Storey: Right-back

Rap Sheet: Double winner with Arsenal, charged with counterfeiting, running a brothel and smuggling porn

As is the case with so many crimes that footballers have been involved in, alcohol often plays a significant part and that was certainly how Arsenal and England player Peter Shorey descended towards a life on the wrong side of the tracks.

Shortly before his stint with the Gunners ended and he moved to Fulham, Storey decided to buy a pub just a stones throw from the old Highbury stadium and soon became embroiled in a variety of criminal activity.

In 1977 he was arrested for counterfeiting money with London gangsters the Barry brothers. Storey spent 3 years inside for his part in the conspiracy and upon release decided to open a brothel called the Calypso Massage Parlour which lead to a further arrest and sentencing. To cap it off, Shortly was later convicted of trying to smuggle illegal pornography into the country hidden in the spare tyre of his car!

Cesar Ccahuantico - Central Midfield

Rap Sheet: Peruvian International, charged with assisting a robery against his own club

Cesar Ccahuantico was part of the Cienciano team that won the Copa Sudamericana in 2003, the first time a Peruvian club had won the trophy. However, 5 years later and with the club struggling financially Ccahuantico assisted a gang of 4 armed robbers to steal around $80k earmarked to pay backdated player wages.

Ccahuantico was ultimately sentenced to 7 years in prison effectively ending his professional career.

Joey Barton - Central Midfield

Rap Sheet: Premier League midfielder, general thug

Barton had to be on the list didn't he! He's been in jail twice, once for running over a pedestrian in his car and then again for assault and the only surprise is that he's not spent more time behind bars. Here's a brief history of Joey and his run ins with the law

Barton's career has been littered in controversy and problems with the law source

• 2005, runs over and breaks the leg of a pedestrian in Liverpool.
• 2007, Arrested for trashing a taxi after the driver refuses to stop at a McDonald’s drive through. His cousin later claims he damaged the car
• 2007, Assaults youth team player Ousmane Dabo at the Manchester City training ground including stubbing a cigarette out on his eye
• 2008, Jailed for six months for assault
• 2021, accused of assaulting wife at a party
• 2021, pushes over rival manager and is charged with assault

Mickey Thomas - Left-wing

Rap Sheet - Wales and Man United Winger, jailed for counterfeiting and money laundering

I could have gone for George Best in my all-time XI given the Northern Irish and Manchester United legends constant brushes with the law but instead I've decide to go with the man dubbed 'The Welsh George Best'.

Mickey Thomas never quite hit the heights that Best did and the fact that he played for 13 clubs across his career suggests that he was not the easiest player to manage but there is no doubting that he was a gifted footballer.

Brought up in North Wales, he made his name at local club Wrexham before moving to Manchester United and then towards the end of his career and having played everywhere from West Brom to Wichita, he made the move back to his home town.

It was during his 2nd stint at Wrexham that Thomas along with a business associate had the bright idea of counterfeiting £10 and £20 notes and then laundering them through the clubs youth players! Unfortunately for him, a couple of the youth team decided to try and pass the fake bills at a local bar and Thomas was ultimately jailed for 18 months for his part in the fraud.

Ronaldinho - Attacking midfield

Rap Sheet - World Cup winner, jailed for using a fake passport

Before Messi at Barcelona there was Ronaldinho, arguably the best footballer of his generation and the true baller of my prison XI. I was lucky enough to see Ronaldinho play and score a wonder goal at the Nou Camp back in the day so how did a man of his talent and undoubted wealth end up in a Paraguayan prison for 5 months?

Well as is the case for quite a few of the top players in La Liga at the moment it all stems from tax evasion! Having made his fortune in Europe with PSG, Barca and AC Milan, Ronaldinho moved back to his native Brazil and invested his millions. Unfortunately, as a result of some creative accounting, he failed to pay the required tax leading to the Brazilian authorities seizing his funds, some 57 properties that he owned and his passports.

Not to be deterred by the lack of travel documents and no doubt in need of some cash, Ronaldinho attempted to cross into Paraguay for a book promotion but was arrested and jailed for travelling with a fake passport. While behind bars, Ronaldinho turned out for the prison futsal team and is reported to have scored 5 and assisted the other 6 of the side's 11-2 final win.

Ronaldinho comes with prior experience of playing football in the prison system source

Farid El Melali - Right-wing

Rap Sheet: Ligue 1 winger, charged with public masturbation x 2

During 2020's lockdowns we all found ourselves with a bit of extra time on our hands but while most of us took up gardening or tried to learn an instrument/new language, Algerian winger Farid El Melali decided that he'd pass the time by jerking off in public to strangers.

In May 2020, he was arrested on a charge of public masturbation after a neighbour caught him stroking the one-eyed monster while watching her out of his window. Then, before that case even reached court, El Melali was arrested again on similar charges just a month later!

He was ultimately handed an 18 month suspended jail sentence and so far has managed to avoid repeating the same mistake thrice...

Duncan Ferguson - Centre Forward

Rap Sheet, Premier League hard man, first British footballer jailed for on-field incident

The classic British centre forward, Scottish international Duncan Ferguson had already built a reputation as a hard man before completing a then British record £4million move to Glasgow Rangers.

'Big Dunc' struggled to justify that fee though and perhaps was feeling the pressure when during a routine Rangers win against Raith Rovers he inadvertently head-butted Raith defender John McStay. The referee at the time didn't take any action against Ferguson, after all that's just how they say hello in Glasgow, but later on assault charges were brought against him and Ferguson served 3 months in jail making him the first player in British history to be jailed for an on the field incident.

It should be noted that this wasn't the first time Ferguson had been in trouble with the police and for very similar reasons which was undoubtedly a contributing factor in him serving jail time for the head butt in 1994.

Later in his career and on 2 separate ocassions, Ferguson faced complaints from individuals who had broken into his home only to come face to face with the big Scotsman. Big mistake! Both burgulars ended up spending time in hospital before being taken to jail and the charges against Ferguson were not pursued by the police.

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