Some days you win, and some days you wine.
I'm trying to train myself OUT of complaining, out of whining, out of seeing myself as the victim. But I tell you what, it's a process!
I have family members for whom this is completely normal behaviour.
And my nervous system appears to have be wired to do the same:
Feel uncomfortable, tired or in pain? Feel emotionally powerless? Whine about it with others who feel the same way.
Brad has been trying to get me to shift this behaviour for years. I don't necessarily want to do it the way he does, but he has a point: Whining leads to nothing good.
So, today, after struggling all day, I have opted for wine instead of whining.
It took me most of the day to remember that I was doing my process backwards:
I've been falling for the "I'll relax when..." trap.
But in reality, my life works much better when I focus on being relaxed FIRST. Everything flows. Everything works better.
I felt bad because my body didn't feel good enough to do either the new YouTube video I wanted to do OR the half a dozen YouTube Shorts I wanted to do today.
But when I reminded myself that if I don't have content out every day while we're away (we're going on a 7 week road trip) then no one is going to die.
Seriously, it's not as big a problem as I was making it out to be.
Then I dug a little deeper and realised I felt bad, "because I'm not helping anyone today".
Recording videos, even if they were going to be edited and scheduled for weeks from now, felt like I was going to be helping people.
But then I remembered: I have an average of 30+ reads of my articles on Medium every single day AND I have an average of 5 hours of watch time on my YouTube channel every single day.
Therefore, I am helping people. Or at least, past Caroline is helping people and that's enough for me.
It only took me all day to figure that out, and once I did, I finally felt like I could relax.
Now I just need to figure out how to REMIND myself to relax at the beginning of the day, if I have a rough start and not struggle through an entire day, slowly remembering a lesson I feel like I've learned (and forgotten) dozens of times already.
Got any ideas? 🤔
If you do, lmk!!! Please 🙂↕️
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Have you ever tried the thing where you write down the things that are bothering you and then screw up the piece of paper and throw it away? That works sometimes.
I’m intrigued to know more about your YouTube channels? I write on Substack and have two channels that are updated sometimes.
That's amazing, go you!
My folks did this experiment once where you wear a big elastic band round your wrist and snap it every time you complain. They said their wrists got sore by lunchtime haha!
Thanks!
I was taught this same trick at a personal development event to I attended a decade ago. It was interesting for a while. I'm sure if I re-did this it would have the intended affect ;P
Ha, yeah, it's more just an interesting experiment in awareness, right?
Totally!
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I recognise and value your courage in embarking on this process of transformation. Abandoning complaining and a victim mentality is an act of strength that requires time and self-care. It is understandable to seek validation in shared suffering, but as you rightly say, true growth is found in acceptance and relaxation.
It is a powerful reminder that your value does not depend on the amount of content you produce, but on your well-being. By prioritising yourself, you not only help yourself, but you also become more capable of helping others. Continue to embrace this journey; every step, no matter how small, is a step towards a more fulfilling life.