All The Pieces

I love it when all the pieces come together.

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But, they are nowhere near together yet.

However, I do feel like there is something happening, and that is a start. As I have mentioned, I am having some informal coaching sessions through a colleague, and we have met twice now. There hasn't been anything too in depth yet, but just getting it started feels like things are heading in the right direction. It is like being overweight, complaining about it, wanting to lose weight - and then doing nothing about it. Take that first step and change diet, or go to the gym once, and there is that sense of progress, even though nothing has actually been accomplished yet.

Often, the hardest part of change, is getting started.

Over the next week, have an exercise to do where I essentially have to select 25 words from a word list of about 150, that resonate with me. And then, I group them into buckets of similar, prioritizing those that are important. It is an interesting exercise to reflect on, as it might be that there are clear "values" that can be used to create action points upon, but it could also be that there are some conflicts too.

I was talking to my supervisor about the sessions today and asking her about when she went through a similar period in life a few years ago, and she had an interesting take on what she had done. She used a book to guide her with activities and frameworks, and it grouped aspects of life into four buckets, with one being work. For her, she classified everything as "work" that had to be done. but she didn't actually want to do it, like cleaning the house. However, whilst not everything at work is fun and enjoyable, most of it she didn't actually see as "work", as it gave her purpose.

I think similarly in some way, except I see work as everything that I find valuable to do, that helps me achieve larger goals that I am aiming for. It isn't always fun, but often the crappy work is a prerequisite in order to have access to better results. And it isn't always possible to have others do it - like my supervisor has done with her cleaning at home, having someone come every couple weeks for a "proper clean".

What I have recognized recently though, is that I have a fear of making the wrong decisions. I know I know - many people have that fear - but why? For me, I think it is because when I was young, I didn't have much parental support, so if I wanted something, I had to get it for myself. But, without a safety net of any kind, I had to be careful with what I chose to do, because it whatever happens, it would be me paying the consequences directly. As a result, I became very cautious, to the point that it hindered my growth in some areas of my life.

I was independent, but conservative.

Obviously in some ways, this is a benefit and a strength, but there is also a dark side to it also, as it means that a lot of experiences are foregone, even though I might have wanted it. And, because I learned to be self-reliant, I also have a very hard time asking people for help, both because I want to do things for myself, and I don't want to be a burden on others. This means that rather than getting help, I have often struggled though inefficiently and with less than excellent results, just because I was unwilling to ask a friend to lend a hand.

Yet, if a friend asks me, I will help them.

And I get enjoyment out of helping others, because it makes me feel relevant, that something I do matters to others. Yet, I also don't often provide that opportunity for others, at least when I am involved.

Am I robbing them of some joy?

Maybe.

I think as a general global culture, we have become far more selfish, and disconnected from each other personally, and our extended communities. However, I am not giving the people around me the opportunity to reciprocate sharing help, how are those relationships going to improve? We often talk about how we don't help strangers as much anymore, but maybe that is a symptom of us not helping the people we know as much either. Perhaps because we have withdrawn from each other in our personal lives, our community muscles have atrophied at the same time.

Of course, this is conjecture based on my own observations, and there is likely variation across individuals. Yet, I do think that we have isolated ourselves through digital habits, and this has resulted in a warping of interpersonal relationships, as well as what we expect from them.

If there is to be significant improvement in society, I suspect it is going to have to be through real life interaction, rather than just screens. The screens can of course facilitate some level of connection, but it isn't enough alone. It might be a bit like how people can say terrible things to strangers online, because they don't really see them as a person. If the same interaction was performed face to face though, it would be far more civil.

Or it used to be.

Again, maybe it is the wearing down of our social ability, that is leading to an increase in antisocial behavior, which becomes a breeding ground for polarization and extremism. All of the terrible politicians that are vying for positions of power now, are a symptom of a dysfunctional society, not the cause of it - though once in power they quicken the race to the bottom.

We live in quite an amazing world, but it is misaligned and disconnected at the human level currently. We have nearly all the pieces necessary to build an amazing experience for humanity as a whole, yet we utilize our resources so poorly, with the results of the world speaking for themselves.

I know I can't fix the world, but I can reflect on pieces of it that I see as broken, and perhaps I can shuffle some of my own pieces around, to better align with what I value in this life, and maybe with what some others may value too.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]



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21 comments
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When You talk about getting exercise and having proper diet, I think both these things are very much important to maintain our physical health. Today our life is too much busy and I personally want to have a proper walk at night after dinner and diet plan.
Unfortunately I couldn't manage because I don't have enough time for my self. At the end of the day I just want to relax. Something I do is I prefer walk whenever I goes to shopping and malls are distanced and we have to walk so it gives me metal and physical relaxation. I appreciate your hard work that You have a busy schedule but manage time for yourself.

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Today our life is too much busy and I personally want to have a proper walk at night after dinner and diet plan.

I think it has to be made into a habit of some kind - I would likely benefit from a decent walk in the evening, and I reckon my wife wants to start also. In the spring!

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Learning to ask for help is a big one. I am still trying to get better at that. I remember a long time ago I had a job interview and I failed it pretty bad. They told me at the end if I had just asked for help they might have given me more consideration.

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They told me at the end if I had just asked for help they might have given me more consideration.

This is an interesting one. A lot of the time it is the case, where they want people to ask for clarity, or ask for some kind of help and raise questions. It shows something about how the person will operate with others, and whether they will hide their flaws, or will fill the gap.

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As I said, I failed miserably!

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It's nice to know that you are already feeling some of the effects of your coaching this early on. The next exercise seems very productive as well. Not only will you visualize what is currently important to you, but your coach will also have an idea of where to go from there. I hope it continues to work, and you get better from it.

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but your coach will also have an idea of where to go from there.

Yes - I think this is the main point. Once there are some general buckets, then we are able to create some tasks and next steps that can guide me to the next point. That is the theory at least!

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I understand your sentiment about not always asking for help from others. It's understandable that you want to rely on yourself as much as possible, but it's important to recognize that it's not always easy to do so. Sometimes, despite our efforts, we may still need assistance from others, and that's okay. It's a process of learning to balance independence with the understanding that it's okay to seek support when needed.Since there are times when we indeed need assistance, whether we admit it or not, some things are difficult to do alone. It's not wrong to ask for help, especially when you're struggling. By being open to seeking support, you may find it easier to overcome challenges. There's a quote from a book I once read, although I can't recall the title, that goes, "You don't know how to help others if you don't know how to help yourself." Perhaps your current feelings are influenced by that. I hope you heal from all your struggles and allow yourself to enjoy the things and people around you. Don't let pain defeat you; let's keep fighting in life💜.

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"You don't know how to help others if you don't know how to help yourself."

I have always visualized this like in a plane - put on your own mask, before helping others. Two passed out people aren't much help to anyone.

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Yay glad the sessions are going well (all what two of them 😆).

Funnily enough I classify “work” as anything requiring effort (it’s probably a leftover biological definition, a lot of things I think about are still biology related even though it’s a lifetime ago now that I was doing biology) and “chore” as anything I don’t want to do/like doing but have to 😅

Umm yes you are absolutely robbing other people of the nice feeling of happiness and relevance that they were able to be of service/useful to someone they care about. Accept help more 😝

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Funnily enough I classify “work” as anything requiring effort

This is not a bad definition either. When I write, I say "I'm working" even though it isn't a job of any kind, it is something I want to do. But, it does take effort!

Accept help more 😝

But, maybe people offer it less these days?

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Maybe? Could just be the bias of the "now that you mention it" I remember ages ago when the boys used to do Auskick there was a death of volunteers (there was the same bunch of us doing everything all the time because no one else had the time apparently, and it's a similar deal at work, it's the same bunch of people doing everything because everyone else is much too busy.

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Long time ago, every beginning of the year, both me and my wife now, we use to do this exercise, where we put on a paper 7 major plans, per area of development. 1 was material stuff (increasing emergency fund from 6 to 12 months), 2 relationship goals (learning more about orgasm), 3 what we want (eating pizza in Italy), 4 stuff we love (more time together), 5, intuition and healing (fasting one day a week), 6 intellectual and learning (learning Spanish), 7 God related or spiritual stuff (going more in the nature to feel more awe for example).

Something like that. Every year on 1.01.20xx we used to revise the list, see what we achieved and what to add to it. It was helpful.

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That is a great exercise and doing it as a couple properly makes it more powerful, as it becomes a brilliant shared experience, and helps build insight into each other's mindset at the time.

Btw: Eating pizza in Italy, but learning Spanish! :D

Thanks for the share on this, I might steal a bit of it.

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Asking for help is something I don’t know how to do and it is very bad. Some people will never know that you need help until you speak up and that’s why it is always good to speak up but unfortunately, I’m bad at that
I’d try to adjust. Can you share with us some of the 25words that resonate with you?

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Sometimes, people should also ask "are you okay?" right?

Can you share with us some of the 25words that resonate with you?

I can. I will do the exercise later in the week. No time to sit down with it at the moment :)

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Many times I asked for help both from humans and from God. I don't think asking for help is that bad. Only that we should not turn out to be parasitic.

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Asking for help isn't bad, but it is easy to become reliant.

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"I know I can't fix the world, but I can reflect on pieces of it that I see as broken, and perhaps I can shuffle some of my own pieces around, to better align with what I value in this life, and maybe with what some others may value too."

This is the place you capture this amazing piece of literature and i think it's a beautifully introspective perspective! While it's true that we can't single-handedly fix all the complexities of the world, the power lies in our ability to reflect, adapt, and take action within our spheres of influence. Your commitment to examining the broken pieces of the world and aligning your values with your actions is incredibly empowering. Even small shifts in our own lives can create ripples of positive change, inspiring others to do the same. It's through these individual acts of reflection and alignment that we collectively move towards a more harmonious and value-driven world. Your willingness to engage in this process is not only commendable but also serves as a beacon of hope for a better tomorrow. Keep embracing your agency to make a difference, one thoughtful shuffle at a time!

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the power lies in our ability to reflect, adapt, and take action within our spheres of influence

And our influence is much smaller than we believe it to be for many of the things we worry about.

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